Hooptie Rescue

Often times it is difficult to determine exactly what “one diagnostic” is, as a car can have several problems that are contributing to one symptom.

For instance, we recently did a 1974 Mercedes 450SL where the complaint was it “wouldn’t start,” (and for the short periods when it did thanks to the efforts of other mechanics it would run terribly) but it had sat unused for quite a while so its list of contributing problems were:

1. bad fuel
2. bad cold start injector
3. bad port injector
4. stuck/sticky vacuum advance
5. bad fuel pump (that actually failed during the diagnostic)
6. bad ignition coil (also failed during diagnostic)
7. much raw gas in the engine oil (as both injectors above were stuck open and spraying into the cylinders)
8. ignition timing way off
9. prior “mechanics” swapping several potentially good factory original parts for bad/questionable ones (while disposing of the originals).

In hindsight there was no way to know exactly which of its issues was the most significant (as most were pretty serious) and obviously it would not be fair to only charge one diagnostic fee for such a car as to track down and repair all these problems took many days, so our rates are designed to accommodate you the customer as far as possible while at the same time making sure such a job doesn’t make us go broke in the process!

During a “fixed-price” diagnostic essentially what happens is when we find what we consider to be a “contributing problem” to your ultimate complaint (e.g. the “bad cold start injector” to the “not starting” complaint above), if we decide we’d like to have a go at fixing it (by the hour for the number of hours that you pre-fund/authorize – we don’t do estimates!!!), and we correct that issue but it still doesn’t resolve your ultimate complaint, then we continue the diagnostic with no additional charge (other than travel and related expenses of course).

If we decide we don’t want to try and correct that issue, but you personally correct that issue (or take it to someone else who does), and that doesn’t solve the said complaint, then (if you call us back within a reasonable time of when we found that contributing issue, e.g. 30 days) we continue the diagnostic for no additional charge.

If we decide we would like to take a stab at correcting the issue and you decide you don’t want us to, then when you either fix it yourself or you take it to someone else and it still doesn’t resolve the complaint, then we’ll continue the diagnostic for half of the amount of the previous diagnostic fee you paid (e.g. it could be 1/4 of a full diagnostic fee if we are in the 2nd cycle of this latest process). See our fixed-price diagnostic workflow chart below for more details.

Our current hourly rate is $104 which we call a Hooptie Unit, or HOONIT for short.

If you’re interested, see ⁴ for how we compute this.

Our fee includes travel time to and from your location starting at the closer of Point Richmond California or wherever we happen to have an available technician at the time of your appointment⁵, or Point Richmond, whatever is shorter, and wherever he’s going to afterwards or back to Point Richmond, CA, also whichever is shorter. If your issue requires multiple visits or overnight stays then you could either pay for those, choose to wait until we’ll be in your neighborhood again, or bring your car closer to where we are going to be (usually near our headquarters at Point Richmond, CA).

As some diagnostics can get quite involved (possibly running all day or even several days in extreme cases) we have a special of a “3 HOONIT diagnostic.”

Does this mean your car will be fixed for that price?

No, but it can greatly reduce your economic risk.

The price of a HOONIT in U.S. dollars (or any other mutually agreed upon medium) is its price on the day it is paid/deposited with us or a mutually agreed upon third party. See Payment below. The amount refunded will be in U.S. Dollars deposited with us (or an escrow) regardless of the then current value of a HOONIT.

Our minimum unit of pay is 1/2 HOONIT (e.g. 1/2 hour) with a minimum granularity of 1/4 HOONIT (e.g. 15 minutes – although often times we can track our time, and thus account to you, down to the minute).

If you are unable to zoom in on these, right click on one, select “copy link location” (or something to that effect), open a new tab (usually with Control-T), paste the previously copied link into the browser’s address bar (with Control-V), hit enter and then try zooming (usually with Control-+ or control and shift held down together while striking the “equals” sign). Then you should be able to scroll around on them with your browser’s scroll bars and follow the logic.

Because we do not maintain a physical facility where we can store cars, tow trucks to tow them to it, etc… (allowing us to pass those savings on to you) we have no ability to put a “mechanic’s lien” on your car should, sadly, we have to bring you bad news regarding the viability of repairing it within a reasonable time period and for a reasonable price, which can, on occasion, discourage people from paying our bill, so we require you to secure our fee up front.

Although we try and hold a generally cheery and optimistic viewpoint about life in general, we’re not going to candy coat your situation because a) we have no motivation to do so (recalling our position on selling you on us doing your repair) and b) we know the shortest/cheapest path to getting you back on the road again is to face whatever the barrier is head on rather than directing you to all those who will just play on your hopes and dreams to line their own pockets (e.g. by guessing the problem and shotgunning parts at it)!

Regardless, you can secure our fee either by depositing the funds with us in advance, or using any number of mainstream online escrow services (understand though that these services charge a fee which you will be responsible for).

We know times are hard (this can especially true when your car is broken) so we usually try and “stand on our heads” in order to make it possible for us to do business, plus we have been known to take different kinds of payments like barter, crypto, etc… so please communicate with us your ideas!

(We are currently working on a program where we can sometimes take your car in exchange for a couple months rent on one of our vehicles, and even possibly repair/recondition your car then rent or rent-to-own it back to you for a very reasonable amount, which means mechanical headaches, and unexpected huge transportation expenses, will largely will become a thing of your past!)

Although sometimes refunds can, and generally do happen immediately, our policy is to only do our accounting once monthly, usually around the beginning of the month, so formally we are not obligated to issue refunds until the 15th of the month following when our role was finished, and then only if we finished working for you before the last week of the current month (otherwise you may have to wait for the next “accounting cycle”).

Of course, if your payment was not made in U.S. dollars, that will take special processing which you will need to arrange with us in advance.

We need several conditions where you are going to require us to work on your car, such as…

We require that your car be/have:

• approximately a half tank full of fresh fuel of the proper type in it
• a fully charged battery
• clean battery terminals
• free of vermin, clutter, and excessive filth, both in the interior and trunk
• untouched by previous (less than competent) diagnosticians for this particular complaint

We require that you (or anyone else on your behalf) not:

• change any of the fluids in your car (as the condition of the old fluids can be an important clue in the cause of your complaint)
• change parts on your car (especially without keeping the originals)
• mess with wiring harnesses, electrical plugs, etc…
• wash or otherwise clean the engine

If you fail to provide any of these or other reasonable accommodations for our tech and his equipment at your site without giving us prior written notice and making written arrangement with us you forfeit both the travel time cost and first HOONIT of diagnostic/repair fee!

We are not responsible for damage or anything taken from your car for the duration of our work on it, nor before we’ve arrived or after we’ve left.

If you have valuables in your car, an extremely valuable car, or it is in a dangerous area vandalism/damage wise, you need act accordingly and remove them or make different arrangements for where we are to work on it.

Although we greatly strive to avoid it, you recognize and acknowledge that a through diagnostic sometimes requires partial disassembly of your machine, which can include damage/destruction of certain parts, or even make the machine more expensive/difficult to repair than what it is worth, and you agree that Hooptie Rescue will not be responsible for any of this, neither to reassemble it, make it operable, nor pay for same.

Occasionally (but rarely) it does happen that we throw a total “air ball”⁶ with your diagnostic, or we find ourselves painted into a corner where to proceed with the diagnostic would involve either knowledge or equipment that is clearly beyond our ability to obtain in any reasonable amount of time and/or money given the totality of the circumstances.

When that happens all we are responsible for returning to you is anything you’ve paid beyond our travel (and related expenses), hourly repair/diag fees currently expended, out of pocket expenses (e.g. for parts/materials and/or outside services used mostly or exclusively for your car), plus any currently unsurrendered 2nd/3rd portions of the fixed diagnostic fees held by us for you on retainer.

In other words, our fixed diagnostic fee is conceptually broken into the following equal parts:

1. The “good old college try” fee⁷;
2. The “we think we found something relevant” fee⁸
3. The “it’s either fixed, should have been fixed by now, or you’ve given up on the project” fee⁹

These parts become due (from the escrow) or surrendered (from your retainer with us) upon completion of the relevant phase of the diagnostic.

As we are conceptually the “last stop” for your “Hooptie” before the junkyard¹⁰ our liability for repairs are limited to the labor amount you paid us and that’s only when the malfunction is actually our fault and not that of any third party nor a defective part you had us install.

You agree to binding arbitration with us in the following manner:

We can work on any car, pickup, truck, van, SUV, etc… so long as it’s privately owned¹² and it’s primary purpose¹³ isn’t the transportation of other people’s (not the owner’s) persons or property for hire along the public right of ways while making a “specific charge therefore” (i.e. used for the privilege of making a private profit off of a public resource).

In other words, if your car, truck, etc… is primarily used in the ordinary course of life and/or (non-commercial transportation) business we should be able to work on it.

Regrettably, we can not work on motorcycles.

Yes, we can, and do work on these type of machines if we are, or can easily be, properly equipped to do so. Please ask.